If we were having coffee, we’d probably be in one of those hipster places cropping up everywhere. I’m in the mood for some fancy, overpriced latte and adult conversation.
Did I tell you about attending a friend’s wedding reception some weeks ago? No? Well, it was lovely but that’s not the point. We were sharing a table with some acquaintances I haven’t seen in a while and so naturally the conversation steered towards our expatriation in Japan. One of the guys turned to me with a big smile and said, “So, what’s it like not working anymore? What do you do all day?”
My mind chose that moment to be sucked down a black hole. I looked between Anne on my left, making Playdough
mess princesses and Tresa on my lap, eating spaghetti bolognese with her fingers.
“Uhm, this and that,” I shrugged.
Is it just me or do you also feel like you’re still trying to find your way in life? When I finished high school, I thought I’d have my shit figured out by the time I graduated university. I landed a high-paying (for a fresh grad) corporate job and assumed I was set for life. Well, a decade has gone by since then with lots of loops and dead ends but the most important thing I’ve figured out is this: I am capable.
There will always be those ugly voices in my head saying You’re useless. It’s too difficult. Give up. Who’d ever want you? Life sucks. They’re not as loud as they used to be, though. Besides, when I fall for that load of crap, the Mr and my loved ones graciously give me a most loving kick in the butt. It’s no wonder the Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death. When am I going to learn to be as careful over the words I say to myself as I do to others?
On to more interesting and probably surprising news, I’m going back to school! Next week infact. Other than being in full swing mommy-mode the last two months in KL, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and pestered my circle of strong ladies for advice. External circumstances and my heart were nudging me towards studying again though I resisted at first because… it’s just madness. I don’t even have the time to watch TV, where am I going to find time to study? Plus, I’m highly skeptical about my brain’s ability to absorb even a morsel more of information.
Ouch! <Rubs bum> Thanks.
That was all that self doubt again. I. Am. Capable. Repeat every five seconds.
I have no idea how it’s going to go but I’ll tell you more about the whats/whys/hows soon.
Wish me luck!